As grounded as I like to believe I am, I sometimes question my worth. I don't necessarily feel utterly hopeless and worthless at all times, but I fall short more often than not.
Those failures make me wonder if all the effort I put into bettering my life is even worth it?
In the past few months, I have been focusing on bettering myself. I want to be the best me I can be; best wife, best mom, and just all-around best person. I have been working on my mental, emotional and spiritual health; improving my thinking, being more patient, more kind and more understanding.
But I am learning that being a 'better you' can be a very challenging task. Most days I've felt defeated.
So I found myself self-loathing because I've felt I can't match up to the person I am aspiring to be.
This woman I want to become seems to be so out of reach; she's got her life together, and I don't.
I am reaching out to the most amazing me- the woman I know I can potentially be... the one who is worth more than rubies. But I feel like all my efforts are worthless.
In my frustration, I had this conversation with my husband who reminded me that my worth as a person doesn't depend on how much "work" I put in. I am worth what I am worth regardless of the effort.
He said: "When the miners are mining for precious stones, they don't look at the stone and say "This has the potential to become a diamond". They say, "This is a diamond".
To a simple man who doesn't know what a treasure looks like- rough diamonds may not look like real diamonds.
It may look rough, black and disfigured, but it is not worth any less than when it is refined by fire. Even in its worst state, a diamond still a diamond.
This was so eye-opening to me. It made me understand that knowing my worth first-hand helps me operate my life from a place of strength.
Where you are in life doesn't determine your worth, and your value is not affected by your imperfections.
And yes, not everyone recognizes the diamond before it goes through the fire. Some people only know treasure in its glory.
The most important thing is that you see yourself as you are and understand that you are precious.
We are all diamonds, it's just that some have been refined and are sparkling because they have grown, having been through the fire necessary for everyone to recognize their value. Some are still in the rough.
Just because you are going through the fire, it doesn't mean that you are less of a diamond; it doesn't mean you are worth-less-than.
The only difference is the way you see yourself. You don't go through the fire to become a diamond, you do it so you can sparkle. Then even the most ignorant eyes can finally see the treasure you are.
Your worth is not found in the person you are striving to be, or things you acquire, or validation of men, but it is found who you are right now.
You are more than worth it!