What is the high value Man?
Following my previous blog post titled "Single Mom: A Title I Never Chose for Myself," someone on TikTok asked me, "What is the real definition of a high-value man?"
It's a crazy world we live in, and how can one even begin to assign value to human life? The simple answer is that you can't.
However, as I thought more about this I realized that I must have my own definition of what I consider a high-value person. Maybe it is even my own biases that helped form the idea of who I consider worthwhile and who I allow to "occupy space" in my life.
So, what is it?
I believe that all life is valuable, but even with this belief, it doesn't mean that I allow all people to be part of my life, which means I have a selection process and even if it is subconcious.
The internet teaches us that a man's value is based on how much money he has, along with factors like his height and the amount of time he spends at the gym pumping testosterone into his body.
Since the question was about what I consider a high-value man, I will stick to that gender.
Before you think of me as a progressive feminist who thinks gender roles shouldn't matter, dont.
I am very much aware of my limitations and my absolute need for a man. Not only do I want my man, I need him. While traditionally, I believe that a man's ability to provide financial stability for his family is important, just as traditionally, a woman's ability to be a nature and take care of the family is valued. Life is far more complex than that.
Reducing a man's value to his financial status is as tragic as reducing a woman's value to the size of her bottom and how youthful her eggs are.
How an we put so much value into something that so unsustainable? Money and youth?
Not to mention that ecconomically, nowadays, more women are out-earning their male counterparts. Some women are choosing not to have children.
Using money and physical appearance as the sole determinant of someone's value is setting yourself up for failure.
I have sat in boardrooms with financially wealthy men, the most powerful men in the world. I have worked alongside them and had respect for their success in business. However, even though they are billionaires, I did not consider some of them high value because of their character and how they treated others, especially their wives and children.
Bob Marley said, "Some people are so poor, all they have is money."
I have also met incredibly beautiful women that I would never consider high value.
As John Mayer said: If you're pretty, you're pretty; but the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise, it's just “congratulations about your face.”
This doesn't mean that I assign value or remove value from these men and women, at the basic level, you are as valuable as everyone else who breathes in and out. However, money and beauty alone don't make you high value.
To me, a high-value man is a self-aware man; he is a grounded man who has self-love and respect for himself and others. He is not a perfect man, not without a few skelletons in his closet, but this man owns up to his mistakes. He walks with integrity.
He has self-control. A man who can't control his urges, is promiscuous, or exhibits rage and violence is not a high-value man, regardless of his bank account balance. This man lacks self-love. A high-value man is introspective and does not live in his ego. When you have respect for yourself, you also respect others view point in life.
"He who is slow to anger is better and more honorable than the mighty [soldier], And he who rules and controls his own spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32
A high-value man is kind and gentle. The art of gentleness has been lost, and we mistakenly label kind and gentle men as weak, calling them "beta" in an attempt to emasculate them. This is a misconception, as nothing is more masculine than a man who understands, communicates and processes his feelings safely and openly.
A kind man is holds high value because he has a healthy relationship with himself and doesn't need to dominate others. He remains confident in his beliefs while demonstrating an understanding and tolerance for others.
A high-value man is faithful. He is faithful to the commitments he has made to himself and to others. A man who lacks follow-through or fails to keep his promises, whether at home, at work, or with those who rely on him, is not a high-value man. Unfaithfulness, even a small broken promise can shatter trust.
Goodness is another quality of a high-value man. He is morally upright, genuinely caring and has compassion. He shows genuine interest in the well-being of others and treats everyone with respect and fairness, regardless of their status or class in society.
A high-value man embodies these qualities, which begin with his relationship with himself, not his financial status...and I can assure you this type of man is never poor.
End of my TED talk.